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there is a hot topic on Zhihu: "Why do some people mature later?"

"lack of thinking about many things."

only ten words, countless people like it.

Wushu guru Li Xiaolong once said, "maturity refers to the deepest self-awareness."

I deeply agree. Maturity has nothing to do with age, people will grow up slowly with the passage of time, but gradually mature because of self-awakening again and again.

in the final analysis, maturity is a process from 0 to 1.

in this process, because the depth of everyone's awakening is uneven, there is a difference in dealing with the world, opening up the gap between people.

level 1: look at the problem, black or white

A person needs to face a lot of judgment in a lifetime.

but life is not just about making either or two choices.

once saw a sentence:

"either good or bad is the binary opposition brought about by restrictive beliefs.

it shows us that the perception of everything is either one or the other, right or wrong, so that our judgment has always been swayed by unconscious standards, and it is problematic. "

the problem is that simple good or bad can not sum up the complexity and variety of things.

such a story is depicted in the Water margin.

Luda and his friends were drinking in the pub without having a few drinks. He heard bursts of crying coming from the next door, which disturbed him, so he got up and asked why.

after an inquiry, I learned that the crying father and daughter did not go home, so they had planned to go back to the restaurant to collect the money.

unexpectedly, there was a villain named "Zhen Guanxi". Seeing that the little girl was quite beautiful, he forcibly accepted her as a concubine and promised her three thousand betrothal gifts.

however, after more than a month of marriage, the little girl not only lost a penny in betrothal gifts, but was thrown out.

what is even more abhorrent is that the other party is bully and scoundrel, asking her to return the bride price that does not exist at all.

as a last resort, father and daughter could only continue to sing "debt repayment" in a restaurant, which coincided with the fact that there were few guests and could not make any money these days. When the father and daughter thought that they had no money to "pay their debts" and were beaten and scolded by the town Kansai, they could not help crying angrily.

after hearing this, Luda gave all her silver to the father and daughter without a word, and promised to avenge them, and finally killed the town Kansai by mistake.

if you define a person with an across-the-board definition of "good or bad" and beat a person to death, he must be a heinous villain. But how should his generous and chivalrous behavior be defined?

We always judge whether he is good or bad by doing something or saying something through each other, but nothing is absolute.

Chai Jing once wrote in "seeing":

"there are no good or bad people in this world, only people who have done good and bad things."

Black and white, good and bad are just two extremes of all the answers.

if people blindly look at everything in black and white, their daily life is like wearing tinted glasses, and their judgment will no longer be objective and biased.

Life is not immutable. The more mature you are, the more you know that the world will never be so simple that there are only two choices.

the second layer: to be a person, to achieve change.

with the increase of experience, we will find that there is a more objective view of the world between black and white.

Ren Zhengfei once said:

"any black and white point of view is easy to inspire people, and we just do not need black and white, what we need is a gray point of view, to find a balance between black and white."

the appointment of Guan Zhong by Duke Huan of Qi is a good explanation.

during the Spring and Autumn and warring States period, after the throne of Qi became vacant, Prince Xiaobai and Prince Jie competed for the throne and rushed back to Qi from other places.

at that time, Bao Shuya assisted Prince Xiaobai and Guan Zhong assisted Prince Jiu.

in order to support Prince Jiu's smooth succession, Guan Zhong set an ambush on the only way for Prince Xiaobai to return home. When Prince Xiaobai appeared, Guan Zhongyi shot an arrow at him.

I thought Prince Xiaobai had been shot, but he deceived people by faking his death and returned home ahead of time to succeed him, becoming the famous Duke Huan of Qi in history.

after becoming king, Prince Xiaobai never forgot his hatred and wanted to get rid of Guan Zhong.

at this time, Bao Shuya advised:

"although Guan Zhong is at fault, it is rare for his subordinates to be loyal to his master, and he is extremely talented. if you use him, with his loyalty and talent, he will certainly help you win the world."

after weighing the pros and cons, Duke Huan of Qi decided to appoint Guan Zhong as prime minister. It was only then that Guan Zhong carried out a series of measures to help Duke Huan of Qi achieve hegemony.

when we look at things, we should never deny or affirm them completely because of one aspect of it.

the right thing to do is,

make a comprehensive consideration from a dialectical point of view, and treat every aspect of it objectively and fairly.

in the real world, everything is never angular, black or white, they are chaotic and impermanent, mixed with black and white, and have both advantages and disadvantages.

instead of simply using the good and the bad across the board, learn to face its advantages and disadvantages objectively.

in this way, our minds will get out of the "single-minded" impasse, become more open, and act more accurately.

"keeping two completely opposite ideas at the same time and being able to act normally is a sign of first-rate wisdom."

the third layer: turn losses into profits, or not be extremely successful

Laozi said, "misfortune is where good fortune depends; blessing is where misfortune lies."

means that happiness and misfortune are not absolute, they depend on each other and transform each other.

like the story of the loss of a horse, it seems to have some loss, but it turns out to be a blessing in disguise.

Beethoven, a teenager, was forced to learn the piano by his father at the age of 4 and compared to Mozart, a famous musical prodigy at the age of 12.

maybe he is jealous of talent. The 26-year-old unfortunately suffers from ear disease, which is the end of the world for a young and ambitious musician.

I can think of myself as a prestigious musician, so it would be too incompetent to give up hope of making myself better just because of ear problems.

so he encouraged himself to overcome his ear disease, devoted himself to his creation, and shouted:

"I want to take fate by the throat, and don't make me give in!"

with the spirit of never giving in, the 33-year-old wrote the classic "Symphony No. 3" despite his hearing loss.

at the age of 45, when he lost his hearing completely in his ears and had to talk to people through words, he still created the magical song "Ninth Symphony", which pushed his life achievement to its peak.

throughout Beethoven's life, instead of being defeated by suffering, Beethoven inspired his stubbornness and became stronger.

when we have the courage not to be afraid of suffering and the wisdom to turn things around, life will not come to the extreme.

as the saying goes:

"under certain circumstances, weaknesses and advantages can be transformed into each other.

so, sometimes a disadvantage is not necessarily a bad thing. If guided well, it will turn a disadvantage into an advantage, and this transformed advantage is more conducive to success. "

the reason is that when a person encounters suffering, if he overcomes his inner fear and dares to face it, he will naturally work harder than before, and at the same time, he will think clearly and understand what he wants and do. It is inevitable to persist in success.

so, once the time is lengthened, good things may turn into bad things, and bad things may become good things.

this transformation is not only the embodiment of man's highest mind, but also the premise of being outstanding.

Su Shi wrote in "tiexilingbi": "across the winding mountains, there are steep peaks, but there are thousands of different ways in the past."

it is true. What people see is different because they hold different angles.

A cylinder, when you look down at it, you can see a circle, and when you look at it from the right or left, it is a rectangle or square.

when what you see is different, there is a natural gap between the level of maturity and the height of life.

in the final analysis, the way everyone looks at things affects their own level of maturity and determines the gap between themselves and others.

the frog in the well always thinks that the sky is only as big as the mouth of the well, and the lion running on the prairie can appreciate the vastness of the sky.

sometimes, if you think about things differently, you will get answers that are above others.

, may you be the one who is more mature and runs ahead.

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